Remotely Confused
by Samlie
Summary: "Dez, open your legs." "Austin, I am not opening my legs for you." Ally's eyes went wide. She nearly sent her tea flying. Ally quickly swallowed it before coughing, hacking up the tea down her throat. What? Did she hear that right? —one-shot. repost.


**Hello friends. I wrote this because I have writer's block trying to finish a chapter of untitled. This idea came to me yesterday and I just had to write it. It's just a little drabble though, so.**

 **Enjoy! I don't own anything.**

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All was fine and dandy until Ally heard a screech.

The brunette was minding her own business in Austin's kitchen. It was a nice one; marble island top, polished wooden counter tops and matching cabinets. Beautiful china plates and matching mugs, shiny silverware all placed in their respective drawers.

She was stirring up some tea, something to relax her system. It was only 10:39am, after all.

Ally was enjoying herself in Austin's kitchen. He had recently moved into a new apartment with his roommate. The place wasn't too shabby, if she did say so herself. It was reasonably sized with three bedrooms—a great deal, if she were to comment.

And then it happened.

Just as Ally was finished blowing on her steaming cup of herbal tea, she heard an ear-splitting screech. She cringed, nearly dropping her cup. Ally grumbled before taking a small sip of tea.

"Dez, open your legs."

Ally's eyes went wide. She nearly sent her tea flying. Ally quickly swallowed it before coughing, hacking up the tea down her throat. _What?_

Did she hear that right?

There was some more screaming and then a grunt. Ally couldn't believe what she was even hearing.

"Austin, I am not opening my legs for you."

"Come on, it's not that hard."

Ally's jaw dropped. She had put her cup of tea down now and was leaning against the door frame of the kitchen. There were no doors, just the wall and the frame to indicate the walkway. Ally pressed her ear against the wall.

There was another bout of shuffling around. Ally could hear the couch in the living room creak, the TV acting as background noise. There was so much creaking coming from the couch that the ground vibrated.

"Dez, just open your legs and I won't hurt you."

"Austin," Dez started, tired. And then he yelped loudly. " _Austin!_ "

Another grunt. Then, "Stop being so stubborn," came Austin's voice a low growl deep in the back of his throat.

The couch made a squeaking noise again before Ally heard another reply. What the hell was going on? "I don't want to! Now get away from me before I hurt you," Dez replied, his tone desperate.

"Dez, just open your legs."

"No. Now get away from me, Austin."

Again, there was a silence. Ally figured it was time to figure out what the hell was going on. She was just about to burst through the door of the kitchen when she heard another screech coming out of Dez's mouth. Then, there was a loud thud that made Ally jump back.

Austin. "Don't make me stuff it down your pants, Dez."

Dez. "Austin, get away from me. We already agreed on this."

"Well, now I wanna change that."

Another thud. It sounded like they were rolling around on the floor. Ally had no idea what was going on, but she braced herself. Dez yelped again. She had to save her redhead friend.

"Just open your legs!"

"Austin!"

Ally counted to three in her mind, her heart pounding so fast. Then, she came bursting through the door of the kitchen, not really sure what she was going to see. She figured if she caught them in the act it was really all their fault. They were the ones who invited her over for a movie marathon.

And that's exactly what was happening.

Austin was sitting by Dez's ankle's holding them apart while Dez was on his stomach, desperately trying to crawl away. Both boys turned to look at Ally at the same time as she took in the scene.

"Oh. Hey, Ally," Dez said, sounding completely normal. His hair was all dishevelled. Austin looked angry.

"Ally," Austin said. "Tell Dez he's being an ass."

Dez made a noise that was a cross between a dying hippopotamus and something distinctly _Dez_. "Tell Austin to stop trying to _get_ in my ass."

Ally frowned. The scene looked too awkward. She was almost afraid to ask, "Why is he trying to get you to open your legs?"

Before Dez could reply he yelped loudly. Austin had released his legs and was now standing triumphantly over the redhead. Ally turned to look at him, the sudden movement catching her eye. "Yes! I got it. And I didn't need to stuff the guacamole down your pants after all."

"No fair," Dez whined. "You got Ally to distract me."

Austin winked at Dez. "That's what girlfriend's are for."

Austin was holding a little black, rectangular box. Ally instantly recognized it to be the remote. The remote for the TV.

"Oh my god," Ally groaned. "All of that for a goddamn _remote?_ I thought you were trying to do the deed with Dez."

Austin laughed. "'Do the deed with Dez,'" he said, adding air quotes around the words as he held the remote in one hand. His hair fell in his face as he looked at Ally, giving her a small grin, triumph and victory written all over his sharp features.

Ally placed a hand on her forehead. "Why did you even keep the remote between your legs, Dez?"

"I thought it was a safe place," Dez said honestly. Then he sneered at Austin. "But apparently not."

"I was not going to watch another rom-com with you Dez," Austin said, rolling his eyes. "Besides, we have a guest over," the blond said, motioning to Ally. Dez just sighed and got up off the ground, dusting his wrinkled clothes off.

Ally's heart was still pounding so fast. "I thought someone was gonna die," she confessed overdramatically. "I'm gonna need counselling after this."

Dez nodded his head. "Me too."

Austin frowned at him. "What do you mean? We do this every day."

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 **This was fun to write. Only took about an hour but I'm happy at how it turned out. I figure this would actually happen in Austin & Ally at some point.**

 **Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and tell me what you think!**


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